Today, we continue with our interview with Jeff. As our future Emperor, we wanted to know his views on the environment, energy, Al Gore, and the Green Movement.

C4J: What will be your policy on the Environment?

Jeff: I’m all for the environment, provided it stays outside.

C4J: What about climate change?

Jeff: I believe the right to change is protected by the constitution. If the climate is tired of being a man, then I say off with it. Of course, there won’t be a constitution after I become Emperor.

C4J: Umm, the climate isn’t trying to become a woman. It’s trying to become warmer.

Jeff: Well, that’s just silly. Why would the climate want to do that?

C4J: It doesn’t. Pollution is causing it.

Jeff: Oh, well in that case, I’ll throw up some windmills, turn the desert into a solar energy farm, and put obese prisoners on giant treadmills.

C4J: What about our dependence on foreign oil?

Jeff: I’ll open up drilling. Build nuclear plants that can convert coal to gas and we’ll have an energy export surplus in less than 5 years.

C4J: That’s actually a good idea.

Jeff: Thank you.

C4J: We’ve heard that you have a feud with Al Gore. Can you tell us if it’s in respect to his views on the environment or the hypocrisy of his energy guzzling house while he preaches conservations?

Jeff: Neither. His books regularly rank higher than mine on Amazon.

C4J: Will your Empire embrace the Green Movement?

Jeff: Yes and No. I’ve put a lot of thought into why more people haven’t jumped on the bandwagon. After much research, I’ve discovered the reason: people don’t like green. They prefer much more a color like Emerald or Teal. Forest Green tests well too, but slightly lower. We’ve also found high consumer response to sage and jade.  Kelly and olive tested poorly, as did chartruese. So, we’re looking at the Emerald Movement to replace the Green Movement. We believe 37% more Americans will embrace the Emerald Movement simply due the name change. The rest will do it out of the fear of being fed to lions.

C4J: Jeff, what is your take on the recent comments by Senator Obama?

Jeff: I have always been against unnecessary cosmetic applications on pigs.  Pigs will not wear lipstick in my Empire. Rabbits maybe, but not pigs.

C4J: Do you think he meant to attack Gov. Palin?

Jeff: It’s hard to say, but he’s making it easier for me to win.

C4J: How is that?

Jeff: The more Obama attacks Palin, the less the media focuses on our campaign.

C4J: But don’t you want media attention?  How else are you going to win?

Jeff: We’re counting on a surprise lead come November.  We want people to wake up on November 3rd, hear that I’m their Emperor, and when the surprise wears off, hit their snooze bars.

C4J: So, you want Americans to be surprised and then subsequently late to work?

Jeff: Yes, they will be working for me then, so they will need the extra sleep.

Our interview with Jeff continues tomorrow with his thoughts on the environment. Preview: “I’m all for the environment, as long as it stays outside.”