Tyranny You Can Believe In!
Welcome to the Official Campaign Headquarters of the Jeff for Emperor Campaign!
We know you’re tired of McCain and Obama. We know you’re tired of Republicans and Democrats. We know you’re sick of the endless cycle of campaigning, political ads, and prime time interruptions of your favorite programing. Enough is enough. We need real change. Not the pseudo change promised by our 2 candidates.
What America needs isn’t another President. America needs an emperor. America needs a leader who will lead with complete autonomy and wear funny hats. America needs Jeff.
That is why the Citizens for Jeff are mounting the campaign garner 63,000,000 votes for Jeff as our new emperor. Why 63 million? Because that will be more people than voted for President George Bush in 2004. You can help. So vote today. And vote often!
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September 8th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Jeff is unfit to be emperor:
#1 – Emperor position has already been claimed (by me)
#2 – NO competent “emperor” candidate would put an alternative on his or her poll. PS: only 1 vote counts in this matter anyway (mine).
September 8th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I’m casting my write-in vote for:
#1 Dukakis (but he has to arrive at the swearing-in in a tank with the goofy helmet).
#2 James Stockdale (but he has to give a lecture on the Vietnam war every Thursday evening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6n5OQVzVVQ)
#3 Al Gore (As soon as he can re-invent the internet to STOP transporting so much SPAM!)
#4 Britany Spears, Paris Hilton, and Amy Winehouse (but only if the can dress themselves and arrive at the ceremony on-time).
#5 This Guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KS2f4Xzod0w) – we can’t get enough of him!
September 8th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
When your bid to be emperor fails – you will enjoy your banishment at the luxurious nation of Sealand. This not-to-be-(
missed) experienced non-resort is perfect for accomodating emperor-wanna-be-hacks.http://www.sealandgov.org/
September 8th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I thought that hippie pirates took over Sealand and turned it into a Green Party commune.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Banished:
Your insolence has been noted. You should know that I’m in possession of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and I’m prepared to use it.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk)
Jeff
September 8th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I have seen you play fantasy football. If you rule like you draft, my vote is NO!!!
September 8th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Joe Dirt:
Did I not vanquish my opponent this week? Have you not heard the lamentations of his women? Were his forces not driven before me?
Jeff
September 8th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Mighty emperors should crush opponents. Clearly, your legions are deserting you. You have no clothes, not-so-mighty emperor. Please, folks, donate to the Salvation Army for the sake of the falling emperor.
September 8th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Joe:
Have you checked the voting totals lately? Many have voted this afternoon.
Jeff
September 10th, 2008 at 3:01 am
It has been revealed on tmz.com that 90 percent of your “Yes” voters also voted for Sanjaya on American Idol, are Gold Club members of the Hannah Montana fan club, and recently purchased Jessica Simpson’s new country album. Ouch. What is next? Will you be announcing William Hung as your co-emperor?
September 10th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Jim Shorts:
TMZ’s #’s are a little suspect in that the voters you describe are 90% of THEIR audience. Can anyone say pandering? Anyway, welcome to the Empire.
Jeff
September 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I do hope that your first official act as Emperor will be to remove that pesky extra “i” from the end of “Hawaii”.
September 12th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Sarah,
It shall be. Your wisdom is very strong and as such, you’re in the running for Minister of Correcting Spelling Annoyances.
Jeff